Whatever

Jokes » whatever » jokes 44

Whatever


bad things to hear on an airplane
10. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore.
9. We're cruising at an altitude of... ah, hell, I don't know.
8. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
7. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Just kidding.
6. Would a flight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em coming!
5. This is...uh...this is...uh...your...hmm. I seem to have lost my memory.
4. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?
3. Welcome aboard flight 109 -- you bunch of jerks!
2. Good God, Steve! We're going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?
1. We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another.
bagpipe
What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.
bah dum bump!
What do you call a person who likes to hang around with musicians?

A drummer.
baked bean death
Slash, a well-known murderer, had been on death row for nearly 20 years. During that time, he had befriended the Warden. Now, the Warden still had a job to do, but that didn't stop him from treating Slash special from time to time. A week before Slash was to go to the electric chair, the Warden asked Slash if there was anything special he would like. Slash thought for a bit and said he would like the Warden to contact his wife and have her make meatloaf for him the rest of his life (which by this time, was short). Of course, the Warden complied and each day, Slash sat down and had a big feed of his wife's meatloaf.

The night before the big day, another prisoner was allowed to visit Slash and asked him. 'Aren't you afraid of dying tomorrow?'

Slash answered, 'I ain't gonna die tomorrow.'

The other prisoner then said, 'But tomorrow is Friday, and we all know, that's the day they're sendin' you to the electric chair.'

'Don't matter,' said Slash, 'if this meatloaf can't kill me, nothin' can.'


Page 45 of 497     «« Previous | Next »»