Whatever

How come Texas A&M couldn't put on a nativity scene?

Because they couldnt find three wise men or a virgin!

There was an Aggie, a Longhorn, and a Bug Eater. They attempted to rob a bank but got caught. They went to court and were sentenced to the electric chair. The guys operating it told them that if they survived they were free to go.

The Longhorn went first. They asked him if he had any last words to say. He told them no. He pressed the button and nothing happened so he was free to go.

The bug eater went next. They asked him if he had any last words to say. He said no and pressed the button. Nothing happened and he was free to go.

The Aggie went next. They asked him if he had any last words.

"I think if you plug the chair in, it'll work better."

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidently forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. So, they decided to go see their physician to get some help. Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctor's office very pleased with the advice.When they got home, the wife said, 'Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?' 'Nonsense,' said the husband, 'I can remember a dish of ice cream!' 'Well,' said the wife, 'I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget.' 'Don't be silly,' replied the husband. 'A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!' 'OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget,' said the wife. 'Come now, my memory's not all that bad,' said the husband. 'No problem--a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream.' With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, 'Hey, where's the toast?'

Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?

She heard the drinks were on the house.