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10 reasons not to live in connecticut
10) You have to explain to most foreigners that you either live close to New York or Boston
9) Having to live next to New York
8) The two most famous people to come out of Connecticut were a con man who ran a freak show and a man who was the primary cause of the Civil War
7) Because you have no point in being there other than during the fall
6) You can either be a pansy and support the Yankees or a masochist and support the Red Sox
5) You get to be associated primarily with New York and New Jersey
4) You get to hear New Yorkers compliment you for the peace and quiet
3) People from other states think you have a ten foot pole shoved up your ass
2) People from other states are usually right
1) It's Connecticut
10 reasons you know you bought a bad computer
1. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.
2. It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.
3. In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.
4. It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".
5. The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.
6. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
7. The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"
8. The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"
9. The only chip inside is a Dorito.
10. You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.
10 signs that a kid is a nerd
10. Likes people that oppress him: teachers, parents, principals, police, and authority figures.
9. Is overly enthusiastic about 'Dungeons and Dragons' and other role playing games.
8. Very familiar with megahertz, wears glasses and, can quote scripture.
7. Frequently speaks of martial arts, but still gets beaten up.
6. Says 'Whom' instead of 'Who.'
5. Is pleased when disruptive individuals are sent to the office, so that they can continue with their learning.
4. Prefers NPR to any music.
3. Gets upset when there is a test or quiz that he did not know about.
2. Rooted for Deep-Blue in the famous chess game.
1. Must be pulled off bridge when not accepted at the college of his choice.
10 ways to annoy cops
  1. Say, "Damn, officer, you must have been going fast to keep up with me!"
  2. When he approaches you, stare at his gut and say, "Hmmm. I thought cops had to be physically fit."
  3. Sway and ask if his bulletproof vest protects him from projectile vomiting.
  4. Lie on the ground and ask him to draw your outline in chalk.
  5. Throw his nightstick and tell the police dog to fetch it.
  6. Ask him if you can use his pepper spray to spice up your pizza.
  7. Tell him you wanted to be a cop, but decided to graduate high school instead.
  8. When he asks you to walk the line, "Riverdance" instead.
  9. Instead of pleading the 5th amendment, plead the 13th or 16th.
  10. When he asks for your license, say, "Oh sure, officer, can you hold me beer for a sec?"

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