Whatever

After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said, "Wow, just look at our cars! They are destroyed. Fortunately, we aren't hurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God! "

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle.... My car is completely ruined but this bottle of wine didn't break. It's a sign that God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she handed the bottle to the man. The man agreed, opened the bottle and drank half, and then handed it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.

The man asked, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replied, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police"

The policeman said, "Take that sheep to the zoo, now."

Next day the policeman sees the man with the sheep again.

The policeman stops the guy and says, "What on earth are you doing with that sheep?"

The guy says, "What is there to do? Yesterday I took him to the zoo and now I'm taking him to the movies."

Costello: Hey, Abbott!
Abbot: Yes, Lou?

Costello: I just got my first computer.
Abbot: That's great Lou. What did you get?

Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM.
Abbot: That's terrific, Lou.

Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!!
Abbot: You will in time.

Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you.
Abbot: Oh?

Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert.
Abbot: Well, I don't know-

Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.
Abbot: Really?

Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
Abbot: O.K. Lou. What do want to know?

Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.
Abbot: That's true.

Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?
Abbot: Well, first you press the Start button, and then-

Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off.
Abbot: I know, you press the Start button-

Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it off. Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.
Abbot: I did.

Costello: When?
Abbot: When I told you to press the Start button.

Costello: Why should I press the Start button?
Abbot: To shut off the computer.

Costello: I press Start to stop.
Abbot: Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer.

Costello: I knew it! So what do I press.
Abbot: Start

Costello: Start what?
Abbot: Start button.

Costello: Start button to do what?
Abbot: Shut down.

Costello: You don't have to get rude!
Abbot: No, no, no! That's not what I meant.

Costello: Then say what you mean.
Abbot: To shut down the computer, press-

Costello: Don't say, "Start!"
Abbot: Then what do you want me to say?

Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.
Abbot: But that's what you do.

Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.
Abbot: Don't be ridiculous.

Costello: I am being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we started this conversation.
Abbot: What are you talking about?

Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.

"ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ."

"Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?

"It's running down my leg."