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fire engine red
 
 
Why are fire engines red?

You'd be red too if somebody picked up your hose and dragged it across the street!

fresh meat
 
 
One day, a wife goes up to her husband and asks for twenty dollars to buy meat.
"Are you crazy?" says the husband, who pulls her over to a mirror. "Let me show you something? This twenty-dollar bill is mine. The one in the mirror is yours. Get it?" The wife nods. The next day, the husband returns home to find a freezer full of meat. Angry, he asks his wife about it. She pulls him over to the mirror and lifts up her skirt.
"See the one in the mirror? That's yours. This one is the butcher's."
constipation
 
 
Did you hear about the new movie 'Constipation?'

It hasn't come out yet.
the cowboy's wish
 
 
There was a cowboy riding down a trail on his horse and he came upon a rattlesnake. The cowboy reached for his gun and was about to shoot him when the rattlesnake said, "Don't shoot me. I am an enchanted rattle snake. If you don't shoot me I will give you three wishes."

The cowboy said, "Okay, I would like to have a face just like Clark Gable. I would like to have a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger's. And I would like to have sexual equipment like this here horse I'm ridin'."

The rattle snake said, "Alright. When you get back to the bunkhouse and look in the mirror, it will happen."

The cowboy got on his horse and rode back to the bunkhouse. He looked in the mirrior and saw a face just like Clark Gable staring at him. He ripped of his shirt and had rippiling muscles. The he ripped of his pants, looked down and yelled, "I forgot I was riding the mare!"


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