Whatever

Jokes » whatever » humor 78

Whatever


signs you should join e-mailers anonymous
 
 
10) You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom, and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

9) Your firstborn is named Dotcom.

8) You turn off your modem and are suddenly filled with a feeling of emptiness, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

7) You spend half of a plane trip with your laptop on your lap, and your child in the overhead compartment.

6) You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.

5) You find yourself typing 'com' after every period.com.

4) You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

3) You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.

2) You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

1) Immediately after reading this list, you e-mail it to someone.

drunk superhero
 
 
Two guys were sitting at a bar on the 40th floor of a skyscraper and were totally plastered.
The first guy said, 'Hey, I'll bet you a million bucks that I can jump out of this window, fly around the building, and land right here next to you!'
Being so totally wasted, plus hearing a completely impossible bet, the 2nd guy replied, 'YOU'RE ON!'
So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and came right back to the same spot. 'WOW,' screamed the 2nd guy, 'That was incredible. Do it again!'
So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and landed right next to his friend. 'That is remarkable. Do it one more time!"

'Ok,' said the first guy, 'But if I do it again, when I come back you have to do it."
The second man agreed, and with that, once again, the first jumped out, flew around, and came back. 'Your turn,' he said.

So the 2nd guy stepped up to the window. 'This is easy. He did it, so can I!"
The much pumped second man, took a deep breath, and heaved his body out the window. He fell straight to the ground and died instantly upon impact. Calmly the first man walked back to the bar and ordered another beer.
The bartender remarked, 'You sure are mean when you're drunk, Superman!'
cloak & dagger
 
 
A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. While searching around for them, he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room, and he found himself completely naked in the halls of the world's most powerful military organization HQ. But, luckily, no one was around to see him.

So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. "This must be my lucky day," he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner. He heard the General's voice. There was no way he'd make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and found himself in the laboratory for Research & Development. The Head Scientist looked up from one of her experiments with puzzled interest.

The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted.

"I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device," he said.

"I see," the Head Scientist said. "But the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly."
satan claus
 
 
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.

One said to the other, 'I'm really scared about all this Satan stuff?'

The other boy replied, 'Don't worry! You know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad again."


Page 79 of 497     «« Previous | Next »»