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a group of four very close friends
 
 
There was a dentist, an electrician, a salesperson, and a carpenter that met everyday for breakfast at a low income diner. They were all married except the salesman. When he was married, he went on his honeymoon with his wife. The other three still met for breakfast when he was gone. An idea came up to play some practical jokes on the new married person.
"I'll make his bed slant so his bed will collapse when he is making love," said the carpenter.
"I'll hot wire his mattress so that he'll feel immence heat while making love.'
"Those are good ideas," said the dentist. "But I am not going to tell you what I'm going to do.'
The next day the salesman comes into the diner. He says "I congratulate you guys for making my bed collapse, and I thank you for making my bed really hot, but I'm going to kill the bastard who put novocaine in the vaseline."
double entendres out the wazoo
 
 
There was a boss who was told by his boss that he had to get rid of at least one employee. So he narrowed the decision to one of two new employees, Jack or Mary.

He then decided to speak to each one privately, and let their reactions help guide his decision. So he called in Jack, explained the situation and, of course, Jack said he didn't want to lose his job, but he understood the boss's situation.

Then he called in Mary, and said, 'Mary, I've got a problem; By the end of the day, I've got to lay you or Jack off...' And Mary says, 'Then you're gonna have to jack off, buster, I've got a headache!'

10 ways to annoy cops
 
 
  1. Say, "Damn, officer, you must have been going fast to keep up with me!"
  2. When he approaches you, stare at his gut and say, "Hmmm. I thought cops had to be physically fit."
  3. Sway and ask if his bulletproof vest protects him from projectile vomiting.
  4. Lie on the ground and ask him to draw your outline in chalk.
  5. Throw his nightstick and tell the police dog to fetch it.
  6. Ask him if you can use his pepper spray to spice up your pizza.
  7. Tell him you wanted to be a cop, but decided to graduate high school instead.
  8. When he asks you to walk the line, "Riverdance" instead.
  9. Instead of pleading the 5th amendment, plead the 13th or 16th.
  10. When he asks for your license, say, "Oh sure, officer, can you hold me beer for a sec?"
no punishment
 
 
Boy: Will you punish me for something i didn't do?

Teacher: Of corse not!

Boy: Good cause I didn't do my homework!

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