Whatever

Two guys were attending a party in the woods, when all of a sudden, the skies opened up and rained torrents on everybody. They ran for their car, jumped in, and gunned it. They were going pretty fast when an old man's face appeared in the passenger window, knocking on it! The passenger screamed, but decided to roll down his window halfway.

'What do you want?' he asked.

'Do you have any tobacco?' asked the old man. The passenger handed the old man a cigarette, and he went away.

'Go faster!' said the passenger. 'I don't want to see him again!' So the driver pushed the spedometer to 80 mph. But soon, the old man appears at the window again! Scared, the passenger rolls down his window again.

'Do you have a light?' said the old man's face. Trembling, the passenger handed him a pack of matches. And the old man went away.

'Drive faster!' said the passenger. So they pushed it to 100 mph. But ten minutes later, the face returns. 'What do you want from us?' screamed the passenger.

The old man gently replied 'You jackasses want some help getting out of the mud?'

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there. The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"

Yes, I was a salesman in the country" said the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up."

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"

"One," said the young salesman.

"Only one?" blurted the boss, "most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"

"Three hundred thousand dollars," said the young man.

"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well," said the salesman "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast.

I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser."

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"

"No," answered the salesman "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, 'Your weekend's shot, you may as well go fishing.'"

One day, an old lady decided that she didn't want to live anymore. So she went to the doctor and asked, 'What's the best way to kill yourself?' The doctor told her, 'Well, shooting yourself in the heart is a fast method.' She asked him, 'Where's the heart located?' The doctor said, 'It's three fingers below the nipple.'
Later on, the police and paramedics arrive at her house. When the paramedic asks what happened, one officer says, 'We found her on the floor with a gunshot wound to the knee.'

There was this pot-head walking down a road when a genie appeared in front of him and said, "I'll grant you two wishes. What is your first wish?" asked the genie. The pot-head replied, "I want a never ending joint. The genie goes, "As you wish," and gave him the joint. The pot-head took a long drag and said, "Cool. I want another one!"