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the scent of an old woman
 
 
A haggard old lady is riding in a posh hotel's elevator. On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on, smelling divine. She arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce."

On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on, smelling lovely as well. She turns to the two other women and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce."

The old lady's floor is approaching and as the doors open, she looks at the two young ladies, bends over, farts and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound."

true software professional
 
 
Guy 1: Hey! Why do you smoke cigarettes even though there is a warning on the pack that says it's bad for your health?
Guy 2: I am a software professional. I don't bother about warnings -- I am concerned only about the 'Alerts.'
ray charles hurts himself. a lot.
 
 
How did Helen Keller parents punish him as a child?

They rearranged the furniture.
lone bones
 
 
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?

Because it had no body to go with.

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