Whatever

The following day, Suzy raises her hand first and says, "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."

The teacher asks for the moral to the story. Suzy replies, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

Next is Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm, too, and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched. The moral is, don't count your chicks before they are hatched.'

Billy is last to speak. He says, 'My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam War. His plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed, with only a parachute, a bottle of bourbon, a machine gun, and a machete. As he floated down he drank the bottle of bourbon. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 North Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade broke on his machete, so he killed the last 10 with his bare hands.'

The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story.

Billy replies, "Don't f**k with my Uncle Ted when he's been drinking.'

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asked.

The man responded, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."

At that moment, his wife, who was seated next to him, chimed in, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

This woke up the guy in the back seat, who, when he saw the cop, blurted out, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice asked, "Are we over the border yet?"

    Failed merger:  Yahoo and Netscape. Net 'n Yahoo didn't work out because they would have to relocate the headquarters located in Tel Aviv.

    Proposed merger:   Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers, to be called Fairwell Honeychild.

    Rumored merger:   Wurlitzer with Xerox.  They are going to market reproductive organs.

    Possible merger:   Warner Brothers, Polygraph Records and Keebler -- to be called... Poly-Warner-Cracker.

    3M and Goodyear merger:   mmmGood

    John Deere and Abitibi-Price: Deere Abi

    Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco and Dakota Mining: Dip Audi Do Da

    Swissair and Cheseborough-Ponds: Swisschese

    Honeywell, Imasco and Home Oil: Honey, I'm Home

    Luvs Diapers and Hertz Rent-a-Car: Luv Herts

    Upjohn and Chuckie Cheese Pizza: UpChuck

    White Castle Burgers and Glad Trash Bags: White Trash Bags