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please grab!
 
 
A woman went into a department store and told the clerk that she wanted to return a toaster for refund because it didn't work.The clerk told her that he couldn't give her a refund because she bought it on special. All of a sudden the woman threw her arms up and yelled, "Grab my breasts! Grab my breasts!"

The clerk didn't know what to do, so he called the store manager who asked her if he could help. She explained that she wanted to return the non-working toaster for refund, and he told her that he would not give her a refund because she bought the toaster on special.

Once again she yelled, "Grab my breasts! Grab my breasts!"

The manager was taken aback and asked her why she was yelling that particular phrase. She replied, "Because I like my tits grabbed when I'm getting screwed!"

i ain't 'fraid of no ghost
 
 
A very sick man is in the hospital, and on many drugs which give him bowel problems. After many false alarms, he accidentally craps himself.

Very embarrassed, he balls up the sheets and throws them out the window, where a drunk is staggering on the way home. The drunk starts flailing at the sheets, throwing his arms around wildly. A security officer runs over, hearing the commotion.

"What's going on here?"

"I don't know, officer. But I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost."

getting weighed
 
 
Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed," she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded.

By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

something borrowed, something blew
 
 
A groom passes down the aisle of the church to take his place by the altar and the best man notices that the groom has the biggest, brightest smile on his face.

The best man says, 'Hey man, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up - you look so excited.'

The groom replies, 'I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me.'

The bride comes walking down the aisle and she, too, has the biggest, brightest smile on her face.

The maid of honor notices this and says, 'Hey, girlfriend, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up, you look so excited.'

The bride replies 'I have just given the last blow job of my entire life.'


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