a driving school test
The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school.
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too drunk to find your keys.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if she is cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.
Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would be tough to be an idiot all day long.
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too drunk to find your keys.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if she is cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.
Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would be tough to be an idiot all day long.
after a bad accident
Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You've had an accident involving a train.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient: Well... The bad news first...
Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient: Well... The bad news first...
Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.
angry drivers meet
In a very small alley two trucks driving in opposite directions meet.
As the drivers are equally stubborn, neither of them wants to reverse.
They angrily look one at the other.
Finally, one of them picks up a newspaper and starts reading.
The other one politely asks, "When you've finished the paper, will you please bring it over, and let me read it?"
As the drivers are equally stubborn, neither of them wants to reverse.
They angrily look one at the other.
Finally, one of them picks up a newspaper and starts reading.
The other one politely asks, "When you've finished the paper, will you please bring it over, and let me read it?"
arguing about the sign
A man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic.
What the driver didn't know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks away.
Policeman: "License, registration and proof of insurance please."
Driver: "Before I give it to you, tell me what the heck you stopped me for, man."
Policeman: "Watch your tone sir; you ran the stop sign back there!!"
Driver: "Man, I slowed down, what the heck is the difference!?!"
The police officer pulled out his night stick and began smashing it over the man's head and shoulders.
Policeman: "Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop!!!?
What the driver didn't know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks away.
Policeman: "License, registration and proof of insurance please."
Driver: "Before I give it to you, tell me what the heck you stopped me for, man."
Policeman: "Watch your tone sir; you ran the stop sign back there!!"
Driver: "Man, I slowed down, what the heck is the difference!?!"
The police officer pulled out his night stick and began smashing it over the man's head and shoulders.
Policeman: "Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop!!!?
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