you have a boring job
The Top Signs That You Have A Boring Job
- You're introduced to everyone as "The Minesweeper God".
- You have visited every website in the world.
- You're the Spelling Bee Coordinator in rural Alabama.
- You are the only one that is ready for the rush of ticket sales for that New Kids on the Block reunion tour.
- You're able to pull staples out of papers with your teeth.
- Your doctor says that he's never seen someone exposed to so much photocopier radiation in his life.
- You've seen the late night commercial for the Chia Dildo.
- Your workload is so intense that you can write Top 10 lists all day long.
- In your 10 years on the force as an Amish Traffic Cop, you have not had to write one single speeding ticket.
you're a bad customer
You Might Be A Bad Customer If:
- You escort people out of line for having 11 items in the "10 items or less" lane.
- You walk into a store at 10 minutes to close not knowing what you want and don't decide for another 30 minutes.
- You yell out what a GREAT TIPPER you are.
- You return the coffee because it's too hot.
- You order water with extra lemon (as if it was supposed to come with lemon).
- You ask for a discount. No reason specified, just that you should get one.
- You get annoyed if a hardware store, etc., does not have the most obscure component in stock, despite the fact that they haven't sold one in over 20 years.
- If you buy 10 cent candy to break a 20
- You think the Pre-pay sign on the gas pump is for everyone but you.
- You buy an expensive dress and return it after the party.
- You can't read the signs or coupons correctly, insisting you're right and all the employees are wrong.
- While standing in front of the huge line up of TVs, you ask a salesman, "Is this all the TVs you have?"
- You dare ask for a discount at a resturaunt because your kids didn't like thier food after they showed their dislike by throwing said food on the walls and the floor.
- You chew out the manager of the local McDonald's for not cleaning up the place, while meanwhile, your kids proceed to launch ketchup packets at each other.
- You pay anything / everything in small change (especially pennies)
you're no longer cool
You Are No Longer "Cool" When
- You find yourself listening to talk radio.
- You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.
- The pattern on your shorts and couch match.
- You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.
- You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.
- You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath.
- You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.
- You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.
- When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.
- When jogging is something you do to your memory.
- Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.
- All the cars behind you flash their headlights.
- You remember the "Rolling Stones" as a rock group not a corporation.
- You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son's new running shoes.
- You actually ASK for your father's advice.
- You don't know how to operate a fax machine.
- When someone mentions SURFING you picture waves and a surf board.
you're stressed when
You Know You're Too Stressed If...
- You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up.
- The Sun is too loud.
- Trees begin to chase you.
- You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.
- You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.
- You can hear mimes.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
- You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
- Things become "Very Clear."
- You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
- You begin speaking in a language that only you and Chanelers can understand.
- The less sense matter and matter is more than sense.
- You and Reality file for divorce.
- You can skip without a rope.
- It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
- You have great revelations concerning: Life, the Universe and Everything else, but can't quite find the words for them before the white glow disappears, leaving you more confused than before.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
- You can travel without moving. Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.
- You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.
- Losing your mind was okay, but when the voices in your head quieted, it was like losing your best friend.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
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