top ten lists

Creative Ways To Say Someone Is Stupid

1. A few crumbs short of a crouton.
   
   
2. A few clowns short of a circus.
   
   
3. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
   
   
4. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
   
   
5. A few beers short of a six-pack.
   
   
6. A few peas short of a casserole.
   
   
7. The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
   
   
8. One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
   
   
9. One taco short of a combination plate.
   
   
10. A few feathers short of a whole duck
    
    
11. All foam, no beer.
    
    
12. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
    
    
13. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instruc- tions on the heel.
    
    
14. He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
    
    
15. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
    
    
16. As smart as bait.
    
    
17. Chimney's clogged.
    
    
18. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
    
    
19. Elevator doesn't go all th eway to the top floor.
    
    
20. Forgot to pay her brain bill.
    
    
21. Her sewing machine's out of thread.
    
    
22. If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
    
    
23. Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
    
    
24. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
    
    
25. Has the intelligence of a Carrot.
    
    

The Top 10 Signs You Have A Bad History Teacher

1. Constantly gets Indonesia and Outdonesia confused.
   
   
2. As incentive for learning, when you name a state capital, you get to take a shot.
   
   
3. Insists that one of Popes during the Roman empire was Pope Bubba.
   
   
4. Thinks that Mussolini was Hitler's favorite pasta.
   
   
5. Counts Puerto Rico, Mexico and Canada as "technically" U.S. States.
   
   
6. Tells you that its Napoleon that's the ice cream that comes in 3 flavors in one box.
   
   
7. Insists that the Great Depression could have been stopped with the right amount of Lithium.
   
   
8. Threatens to renact Salem Witch Trials/Burnings if homework is not turned in on time.
   
   
9. Claims that it was Martin and Lewis that were the great explorers of the West.
   
   
10. Credits David Hasselhoff and not Democracy for the fall of the Berlin Wall.
    
    

Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer

1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
   
   
2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
   
   
3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"
   
   
4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
   
   
5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips.
   
   
6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
   
   
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"
   
   
8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.
   
   
9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
   
   
10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."
    
    

10. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.

9. It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.

8. In order to start it, you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.

7. It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".

6. The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.

5. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.

4. The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"

3. The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"

2. The only chip inside is a Dorito.

1. You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.