make life simpler tips
Helpful Tips To Make Life Simpler
- Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.
- Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.
- Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.
- Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
- No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
- Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).
- If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
- Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
mcdonalds food ideas
Food Ideas Rejected By McDonalds:
- Chicken McBobbitts
- Salmon McNella
- Tom & Roseanne "Together Forever" Value Meal
- Shirley McLean Burger
- McMenudo
- Filet o' Gefilte Fish
- Way Too Happy Meal
- Lion King Hairball Happy Meal
- Them Ain't Nuggets!
- McKitty Sandwich
- Boutrous Boutrous Burger
- Rocky Mountain McOysters
- McSpleen
- The Depressed Meal
- Filet O' Flesh
- McShrooms
- Bob Barker's Happy Pants Meal
- McTonya Club Sandwich
- Grumpy Meal, Dopey Meal, and Sneezy Meal
most useless inventions
Useless Inventions
- Non stick Cellotape
- Solar Powered Flash Light
- A black highlighter pen
- Glow in the dark sunglasses
- Inflatable Anchor
- Smooth Sandpaper
- Waterproof sponge
- Waterproof Teabags
- AC adapter for Solar powered calculators
- Fireproof Matches
- Fireproof Cigarettes
- Battery powered Battery Charger
- Seatbelts for Motorbikes
- Hand powered Chainsaw
- Inflatable Dartboard
- Silent Alarm Clock
- A Pedal powered wheelchair
- Braille Drivers Manual
- Double sided playing cards
- Ejector seats for Helicopters
must be out of shape
The Top Signs You're Out of Shape
- You've ever torn something just trying to turn off the alarm clock.
- People at work only refer to you by saying "Hey fatso!"
- You've thrown your back out by carrying a bag of groceries.
- Random strangers come up, poke you in the stomach and expect you to giggle.
- Your record is 34 Pushups and you could have done more if the Ice Cream Man would have taken plastic.
- You get the Christmas gift of Jigglin' To The Oldies.
- You cramp up while watching the New York City Marathon.
- Watching Rocky 5 is your idea of a workout video.
- The sales clerk nicely but firmly pulls you away from the jeans rack and whispers "Its Sansabelt Time, Tubby"
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