too many y2k fears
Signs You Took Y2K Too Serious
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- You didn't find out that nothing happened for a week because you were holed up in your cellar.
- You don't have to go to the grocery store for a year.
- You invited the local football team over to eat twice this week, and you still have food left!
- You have no savings left because you used it to prepare.
- You spent the first week of the new year digging up all your valubles.
- You went to the bank on Monday and deposited $2000 of one & five dollar bills.
- You went ahead and had your water shut off, so you could use your stored bottled water.
- You were depressed because nothing happened !!
aol as an entire city
If AOL Were A City...
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- You'd live in a place where no two people had the same name.
- You'd only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck.
- Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you'd be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door sales creeps offering you great AOL 14.4 modems for only $399.99.
- The commute to work is just a double-click away, but every time you try to leave your driveway, the flow of traffic knocks you back into your yard.
- The local post office would tell your mother you're not a known resident.
- The local post office won't forward your mail to you when you move.
- If you saw a crime and called 911, they'd reply a week later with a form letter saying how you "really are important to us."
- Every time you went shopping, you'd be kicked out of the store by a bouncer screaming, "WE'RE SORRY, THIS STORE IS TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE."
- Whenever you traveled to other cities, people would see your license tag and laugh at you, behind your back.
- You'd occasionally be sent home during your day by another bouncer telling you that the city has performed an illegal operation.
- You'd not have any idea who your neighbors are, and most new arrivals would move in at night, stuff everyone's mailbox with garbage, and vacate before sun-up.
- The administration would build a huge, state of the art park, and allow the kids to play there free, then suddenly start demanding money.
you're a bad customer
You Might Be A Bad Customer If:
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- You escort people out of line for having 11 items in the "10 items or less" lane.
- You walk into a store at 10 minutes to close not knowing what you want and don't decide for another 30 minutes.
- You yell out what a GREAT TIPPER you are.
- You return the coffee because it's too hot.
- You order water with extra lemon (as if it was supposed to come with lemon).
- You ask for a discount. No reason specified, just that you should get one.
- You get annoyed if a hardware store, etc., does not have the most obscure component in stock, despite the fact that they haven't sold one in over 20 years.
- If you buy 10 cent candy to break a 20
- You think the Pre-pay sign on the gas pump is for everyone but you.
- You buy an expensive dress and return it after the party.
- You can't read the signs or coupons correctly, insisting you're right and all the employees are wrong.
- While standing in front of the huge line up of TVs, you ask a salesman, "Is this all the TVs you have?"
- You dare ask for a discount at a resturaunt because your kids didn't like thier food after they showed their dislike by throwing said food on the walls and the floor.
- You chew out the manager of the local McDonald's for not cleaning up the place, while meanwhile, your kids proceed to launch ketchup packets at each other.
- You pay anything / everything in small change (especially pennies)
cards not in hallmark
Cards You Will Never See In Hallmark
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- "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."
- "How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?"
- "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
- "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you."
- "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking?"
- "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."
- "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."
- "As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."
- "Thanks for being a part of my life!!!I never knew what evil was before this!"
- "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."
- "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."
- "Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with boobs that are bigger than mine."
- "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...Almost Lifelike!
- "When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise."
- "I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."
- "We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits."
- "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."
- "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"
- "You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."
- "Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday ---so we're having you put to sleep."
- "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Arkansas)
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