having a very bad day
You Know You're Having a Bad Day When...
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- Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels motorcyclists.
- You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open or your blouse unbuttoned.
- Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
- Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
- You call the suicide prevention hotline and they put you on hold.
- You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
- Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
- Your income tax refund check bounces.
- The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
- You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
- Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/husband.
- You put both contacts into the same eye.
- Your mother approves of the person you're dating.
- Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate.
- You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your Mastercard.
- Nothing you own is actually paid for.
- Everyone loves your driver's licence picture, but you think it looks awful.
- The health inspector condems your office coffee maker.
- You invite the peeping Tom in... and he says no.
- The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money when she sees your future.
- People think that you're 40 and you're only 25.
- When the doctor tells you are in fine health for someone twice your age.
- You call your spouse and tell them that you'd like to eat out tonight and when you get home, your find a sandwich on the front porch.
- You start to put on the clothes that you wore home from the party last night...... and there aren't any.
- It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
recalled chrstimas toys
Recalled Christmas Toys
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- Broken Bag-O-Glass
- Dr. Kevorkian First Aid Kit
- Jeffrey Domhers Easy Bake oven and cookbook
- Timothy McVays home Chemistry set
- Switchblade Barney
- Pork-n-Beany Babies
- Make your own moonshine kit
- Mike Tyson Doll (with ear biting action)
cats are thinking about
Ten Things A Cat Thinks About
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- I could have sworn I heard the can opener.
- Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?
- Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?
- I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives?
- Hmmm ... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us?
- This looks like a good spot for a nap.
- Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.
- Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?
- If there's a God, how can He allow neutering?
- If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let THEM know who's boss!
you're stressed when
You Know You're Too Stressed If...
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- You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up.
- The Sun is too loud.
- Trees begin to chase you.
- You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.
- You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.
- You can hear mimes.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
- You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
- Things become "Very Clear."
- You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
- You begin speaking in a language that only you and Chanelers can understand.
- The less sense matter and matter is more than sense.
- You and Reality file for divorce.
- You can skip without a rope.
- It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
- You have great revelations concerning: Life, the Universe and Everything else, but can't quite find the words for them before the white glow disappears, leaving you more confused than before.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
- You can travel without moving. Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.
- You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.
- Losing your mind was okay, but when the voices in your head quieted, it was like losing your best friend.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
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