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commercial christmas
 
 
Signs Christmas Has Become To Commercial

  1. You don't recall that line from It's A Wonderful Life saying, "Every time a cash register rings, a customer enjoys never-before year-end savings at Try-N-Save!"

  2. Your kid makes a fortune trading in "Elmo futures."

  3. Salad Shooter in hand, Michael Jordan shows up as the honorary "4th wise man" in new nativity scenes.

  4. The impossible-to-get "Tickle Me Jesus"

  5. Santa's Coyote/Ford-powered sleigh came in second in this year's Indy 500.

  6. Wise Men now arrive carrying Faux Gold, The Clapper and a Chia Pet.

  7. WWF presents "Oh, Holy Night" Cage Match pitting The Three Wise Men against Jumping Joseph, Manic Mary and the Dangerous Manger Boy!

  8. Santa goes to Yankees in blockbuster trade for the slightly heavier Cecil Fielder.

  9. Rudolph demands Holiday Pay or he walks.

  10. Santa's North Pole operation announces a corporate downsizing amidst rumors that the Elf Division will be sold off to Keebler.

  11. Reindeer rights purchase by Disney results in odd-sounding, "On Doc, on Happy, on Grumpy, on Sneezy. Now Bashful, now Dopey, now Eisner and Sleepy."

  12. $, the holiday formerly known as Christmas

  13. Rather large Nike logo emblazoned across His Holiness's pointy hat during Midnight Mass at St. Peter's.

  14. The Baby GAP's line of Swaddling Clothes(TM)

  15. Michael Jackson buys all rights to the phrase "Ho, Ho, Ho" -- an injunction limits Santa to "a bemused facial expression and laughter not exceeding two syllables."

  16. Image of Virgin Mary appears in Dennis Rodman's hair.

mcdonalds food ideas
 
 
Food Ideas Rejected By McDonalds:

  1. Chicken McBobbitts

  2. Salmon McNella

  3. Tom & Roseanne "Together Forever" Value Meal

  4. Shirley McLean Burger

  5. McMenudo

  6. Filet o' Gefilte Fish

  7. Way Too Happy Meal

  8. Lion King Hairball Happy Meal

  9. Them Ain't Nuggets!

  10. McKitty Sandwich

  11. Boutrous Boutrous Burger



  12. Rocky Mountain McOysters

  13. McSpleen

  14. The Depressed Meal

  15. Filet O' Flesh

  16. McShrooms

  17. Bob Barker's Happy Pants Meal

  18. McTonya Club Sandwich

  19. Grumpy Meal, Dopey Meal, and Sneezy Meal

never hear a man say
 
 
Things You'll Never Hear A Man Say:

  1. Here honey, you use the remote.

  2. You know, I'd like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.

  3. Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!

  4. While I'm up, can I get you anything?

  5. Honey since we don't have anything else planned, will you go to the wallpaper store with me?

  6. Why don't you go to the mall with me and help me pick out a pair of shoes?

  7. Aww, forget Monday night football, Let's watch Melrose Place.

  8. Hey let me hold your purse while you try that on.

  9. We never talk anymore

never hear women say
 
 
Things You'll Never Hear A Woman Say

  1. What do you mean today's our anniversary?

  2. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.

  3. Ohh, this diamond ring is way too big!!

  4. And for our honeymoon we're going fishing in Alaska!

  5. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.

  6. Is that phone for me? Tell 'em I'm not here.

  7. I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress.


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