stay in west virginia
The Top 10 Reasons Not To Stay in West Virginia
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- Contrary to what the lousy song says, Country Roads do NOT always take you home.
- You dream of a life that will involve a paved road.
- You grow tired of tourists stopping by, asking for directions to the state of "South Virginia", and driving off in a fit of laughter.
- You're stuck with AM Radio...AM COUNTRY radio.
- You've grown tired of seeing the group "Glass Tiger" at the local Acorn Festival each year.
- The sheep won't take your "abuse" anymore and they are planning a revolt.
- Hayrides are still limited to just 10 mph.
- The local theatre's performance of "Les Miserables" left something, no A LOT, to be desired.
- You've had it with those pesky revenuers destroying your stills of "shine".
- No matter how hard you try, your cows don't appear receptive to chasing or catching that Frisbee.
heard at a tax office
The Top 10 Things Overheard In A Tax Preparer's Office Prior To The Tax Filing Deadline
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- No sir, the government does not want you to pay your taxes in pennies.
- I have a hard time believing that a garbage collector made $150,000 last year so for the last time, DID YOU HAVE ANY OTHER SOURCE OF INCOME!!!
- How cute... a tax form done in crayon.
- No sir, its do your taxes every year and renew your driver's license every 4 years, not the other way around.
- Just because you talk to your plants ma'am, you cannot, repeat CANNOT list them as your dependants.
- No Ms Lewinsky, your oval office "contributions" are not the same as when you check the dollar box at the top of your 1040 form.
- Even if you are a hooker, the number of orgasms you've had cannot count as a business expense.
- I'm sorry, I'm not sure I follow your "Give me an extension and I'll give you an extension later at my place" argument.
- I take it that because you have decided to do origami with your tax form that you're not receptive to paying your taxes this year.
- Just remember the IRS motto, buddy: Screw us now, we'll screw you later!!
time to do the laundry
The Top 10 Signs That Its Time To Do The Laundry
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- You're wearing your last pair of underwear in the shower consistently.
- You've worn your sheets to school because you can't get them off of you.
- Your socks act like a shirt does when its heavily starched and emit a serious funk.
- Your roommate walks around wearing a full body medical suit like they did in the movie "Outbreak" to avoid catching the Ebola virus.
- The Snuggle Bear on the softener bottle officially died last week.
- The DEA's drug sniffing dog is always coming by to sniff your laundry because the strong stench makes him think you have 28 tons of pot in your closet.
- Even after sewing 28 spring scented dryer sheets to the inside of your shirt, your friends still say you reek.
- The phrase "Wash Me" is visibly written in your jeans.
- Your red T-shirt is now green.
- The boss pulls you aside to remind you that your company's casual days does not include your college graduation gown and scuba diving fins.
a relationship is over
The Top Signs That Your Net Relationship Is Over
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- All of a sudden, she's typing in a different font.
- Instead of hearing that lovely "You've Got Mail" statement when you use America OnLine, you hear "You Just Got Dumped!"
- Your connection to his server is constantly refused.
- You get a Dear John E-mai...Your name is Fred.
- They no longer have access to a computer due to a recent parole.
- She starts ending each sentence with only 1 exclamation mark instead of the usual 3!!!
- She tells you that she's been working a lot. You think its a professional job; it turns out that she was responsible for the decorations at her Jr High prom!!
- During an intimate moment in a chat room, she reveals herself to be GRANDMA!!
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