very bad private eye
The Top Signs That You've Hired A Bad Private Eye
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- Considers reading "The Hardy Boys Mysteries" actually helpful reasearch.
- He has a pet basset hound named "Flash" that acts as his trusty assistant.
- His best disguise is wearing a hat.
- Keeps getting confused and follows you all the time.
- Won't read any messages without his trusty decoder ring.
- Dresses up like Jessica Fletcher from "Murder She Wrote" when he thinks he's caught the suspect.
- Well, he's blind.
must be out of shape
The Top Signs You're Out of Shape
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- You've ever torn something just trying to turn off the alarm clock.
- People at work only refer to you by saying "Hey fatso!"
- You've thrown your back out by carrying a bag of groceries.
- Random strangers come up, poke you in the stomach and expect you to giggle.
- Your record is 34 Pushups and you could have done more if the Ice Cream Man would have taken plastic.
- You get the Christmas gift of Jigglin' To The Oldies.
- You cramp up while watching the New York City Marathon.
- Watching Rocky 5 is your idea of a workout video.
- The sales clerk nicely but firmly pulls you away from the jeans rack and whispers "Its Sansabelt Time, Tubby"
terrible history teacher
The Top 10 Signs You Have A Bad History Teacher
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- Constantly gets Indonesia and Outdonesia confused.
- As incentive for learning, when you name a state capital, you get to take a shot.
- Insists that one of Popes during the Roman empire was Pope Bubba.
- Thinks that Mussolini was Hitler's favorite pasta.
- Counts Puerto Rico, Mexico and Canada as "technically" U.S. States.
- Tells you that its Napoleon that's the ice cream that comes in 3 flavors in one box.
- Insists that the Great Depression could have been stopped with the right amount of Lithium.
- Threatens to renact Salem Witch Trials/Burnings if homework is not turned in on time.
- Claims that it was Martin and Lewis that were the great explorers of the West.
- Credits David Hasselhoff and not Democracy for the fall of the Berlin Wall.
to do in space station
The Top 10 Things To Do While Confined In A Space Station
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- Roll down the window and throw beer cans at passing satellites.
- Play some rather boring games of Solitaire.
- Try to bust that myth of Lays Potato Chips: Betcha Can't Eat Just One!
- Come up with as many wacky Top 10 List Topics as possible so Top 10 Boy will have work to do into the New Year.
- When the NASA camera is off, dance around to "Blue Jean" by David Bowie while wearing just your space helmet.
- Do what everyone else does, write out all of your postcards..mail them when you get home.
- Don't move, don't touch anything and if you break something, know that you will be blamed mercilessly for it and shunned by society to a Gulag in a remote part of Northern Siberia (Russian Space Station only).
- Access www.spacebabes.com on NASA's computer instead of doing those meaningless space experiments.
- Call Martian Escort Service..hope like hell they take American Express.
- Watch All of Pauly Shore's movies...try to find examples of humor, plot and a reason for making it.
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