Sports

"I guess I'll just have to play it safe and chip it onto the fairway," said the man.

"No wait," said his wife. "You can hit the ball through the barn."

The man decided to give it a try. But he sliced the ball, which ricocheted off the barn and struck his wife in the head, killing her instantly. The man was distraught and wallowed in his misery for many weeks, depriving himself of golf the whole time.

Eventually he relaized that he must face his demons and headed out to the very same golf course to play. Once again he found himself at the 12th hole and once again he hit a slice right behind the very same barn. As he was preparing to hit out safely to the fairway one of the other players in his foursome asked if he wanted to try and hit it through the barn.

"Oh no," replied the man, horrified. "I tried that last time."

"What happened?"

"I shot an 8!"

The next person says, "Thanks, Rocker. You dissed homosexuals."

The next guys says, "You dissed people with mental problems."

Rocker is shocked and says, "I didn't say anything about people with mental problems!"

The man smiles and says, "Now people think that all people with mental problems are racist and dumb."

He's the Nibbler!

13> "None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth."

12> "Tampax! Get your Tampax here!"

11> "Hey, shut up! I can't hear the race!"

10> "Sex with your sister!? Man, that's sick."

9> "My GOD, this is a splendid Merlot!"

8> "Hey, you with the large breasts — out of the way! We're trying to watch a race here!"

7> "Chesterton, be a good lad and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my attaché case. Then fetch me some clotted cream for my scone."

6> "What a coincidence, Hank — all my friends are boycotting Hooters, too!"

5> "These are even better seats than we had for the Lionel Richie concert!"

4> "Good morning, Mr. Trickle. We at 'Depends' understand you're looking for a new corporate sponsor..."

3> "Whew! No more beer for me, fellas..."

2> "Filling in for Dale 'The Intimidator' Earnhardt today is substitute driver, Michael 'Lord of the Dance' Flatley."

1> "...and now, singing our national anthem — international recording artist Boy George!"