super bowl
A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but his seats were in the nosebleed section -- but he didn't care, he had always dreamed of going to the Super Bowl. So he wants to find a seat closer to where he can see better. He finds this seat toward the front and he asks the guy next to it whether anyone is sitting there.
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The guy replies, "No, because my wife just died."
"Well," says the first man, "why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?"
The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
mermaid fishing
These three guys are out having a relaxing day of fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting each of them a wish. Now, one of these guys just doesn't believe it.
“OK, if you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q.”
“Done.” Suddenly, the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly — and analyzing it with extreme insight. The second guy is so amazed he asks the mermaid to triple his I.Q. All of a sudden, the guy starts to spout the solutions to mathematical problems that have stymied chemists, physicists and mathematicians since the beginning of time. The last guy is so impressed that he asks the mermaid to quintuple his I.Q. The mermaid looks at him, very concerned.
“I don't normally try to change people's minds when they make a wish, but I'd really wish you'd reconsider.”
“No way. I want you to quintuple my I.Q., and if you don't, I won't set you free.”
“Please,” says the mermaid, “you don't know what you're asking... it will change your entire view of the universe...won't you ask for something else...10 million dollars, anything?” But the man remains steadfast. The mermaid sighs and says, “Done!” And he becomes a woman.
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“OK, if you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q.”
“Done.” Suddenly, the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly — and analyzing it with extreme insight. The second guy is so amazed he asks the mermaid to triple his I.Q. All of a sudden, the guy starts to spout the solutions to mathematical problems that have stymied chemists, physicists and mathematicians since the beginning of time. The last guy is so impressed that he asks the mermaid to quintuple his I.Q. The mermaid looks at him, very concerned.
“I don't normally try to change people's minds when they make a wish, but I'd really wish you'd reconsider.”
“No way. I want you to quintuple my I.Q., and if you don't, I won't set you free.”
“Please,” says the mermaid, “you don't know what you're asking... it will change your entire view of the universe...won't you ask for something else...10 million dollars, anything?” But the man remains steadfast. The mermaid sighs and says, “Done!” And he becomes a woman.
gross basketball
Q: Why is basketball the grossest sport there is?
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A: Because they dribble all over the court.
women and pool tables
What is the difference between a woman a pool table?
On the pool table, you put the balls in the hole and the stick stays out.
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On the pool table, you put the balls in the hole and the stick stays out.
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