Sports

A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf and enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy. Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day. Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway. He looks at the caddy and says, "I've played so poorly all day, I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake."

The caddy looks back at him and says, "I don't think you could keep your head down that long."

One day while jogging, a man noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the road. He picked the balls up, put them in his pocket and proceeded on his way.

Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him and smiling.

"What are those big bulges in your running shorts?" she asked.

"Tennis balls," answered the man, smiling back.

"Wow," said the blonde, looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable."

* You wonder why singers Sting, Wolf Blitzer, and Bryan Adams stole wrestlers' names

* You only come out of your room if your theme music is playing

* When your boss is pissing you off you kick him and give him a stunner

* You always end a speech with, 'That's the bottom line 'cuz John said so!' or 'If you smellllll what John is cooking!'

* Your new wardrobe consists of more multi-colored bicep tassles, tights, and capes

* If there's one beer left you suggest it should be suspended from the ceiling and the winner has to climb a stepladder to get it

* Whenever you see someone lying on the floor you get the urge to put him in the sharpshooter

Tiger Woods was traveling through rural Kentucky in his new Mercedes. He stopped at a small gas station and asked the mechanic if he could get his oil changed.

"Why sure," the mechanic said, not seeming to recognize the golf star.

About thirty minutes later the oil change is complete. As Tiger started to back the car out, the mechanic noticed some buttons on the dashboard and asked Tiger what they were for.

Tiger looked down at the tees on his dash and says, "Those are what I set my balls on."

The old man replied, "Boy oh Boy, those Germans think of everything, don't they!"