silly jokes

I want a hair cut please. Certainly, which one!

Do you look in the mirror after you've washed your face?
No, I look in a towel!

Why was the Egyptian girl worried?
Because her daddy was a mummy!

It's time for your violin lesson.
Oh, Fiddle!

How old is your granddad?
I don't know but we've had him a long time!

What pet makes the loudest noise?
A trum-pet!

What is a tornado?
Mother nature doing the twist!

What has a bottom at the top?
I don't know?
Your legs!

What is a skeleton?
Bones, with the person off!

What might you eat in Paris?
The trifle tower!

Which Elizabethan sailor could stop bikes?
Sir Francis Brake!

Have you ever seen a man eating tiger?
No, but in the cafe next door I once saw a man eating chicken!

What is the quickest way to double your money?
Fold it in half!

What do you get if you cross a Scottish legend and a bad egg?
The Loch Ness Pongster!

A noise woke me up this morning.
What was that?
The crack of dawn!

It's gone forever - forever I tell you!

What has?
Yesterday!

Whats red and flies and wobbles at the same time?
A jelly copter!

Why did the sword swallower swallow an umbrella?
He wanted to put something away for a rainy day!

What's the name for a short legged tramp?
A low down bum!

Why did the man take a pencil to bed?
To draw the curtains!

What's the difference between an American student and an English student?
About 3000 miles!

What is posthumous work?
Something written by someone after they are dead!

What is the most slippery country in the world?
Greece!

What is the strongest bird?
A crane!

What is the smelliest city in America?
Phew York!

What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas?
A ladder in her stocking!

Who was the best actor in the bible?
Samson, he brought the house down!

What cake wanted to rule the world?
Atilla the Bun!