silly jokes

How do you make milk shake?
Give it a good scare!

Do you know the time?
No, we haven't met yet!

What sleeps at the bottom of the sea?
A kipper!

What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck!

What soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
Seasoned troopers!

Did you hear about the man who had BO on one side only?
He bought Right Guard, but couldn't find any Left Guard!

What has two humps and is found at the North Pole?
A lost camel!

What's the nearest thing to silver?
The Lone Ranger's bottom!

This morning my dad gave me soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast.
I bet you were mad.
Mad? I was foaming at the mouth!

What sort of animal is a slug?
A snail with a housing problem!

What does "Minimum" mean?
A very small mother!

What is an archaeologist?
Someone who's career is in ruins!

What is hail?
Hard boiled rain!

Why are astronauts successful people?
Because they always go up in the world!

What has a bottom at the top?
I don't know?
Your legs!

What is a skeleton?
Bones, with the person off!

What might you eat in Paris?
The trifle tower!

Which Elizabethan sailor could stop bikes?
Sir Francis Brake!

Have you ever seen a man eating tiger?
No, but in the cafe next door I once saw a man eating chicken!

What is the quickest way to double your money?
Fold it in half!

What do you get if you cross a Scottish legend and a bad egg?
The Loch Ness Pongster!

Why did the cowboy die with his boots on?
Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket!

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
Missile toe!

Do you have any invisible ink?
Certainly sir. What colour?
How is business going?
I'm looking for a new cashier
But you only had a new one last week
Yes, that's the one I'm looking for!

Where do hamsters come?
Hampsterdam!

What kind of biscuit would you find at the south pole?
A penguin!

Why is the time in the USA behind that of England?
Because England was discovered before the USA!