school jokes

Now I Lay Me
Down to Study,
I Pray the Lord I
Won't Go Nutty.

If I Should Fail to
Learn this Junk,
I Pray the Lord
I Will Not Flunk.

But If I Do,
Don't Pity Me at All,
Just Lay My Bones
In the Study Hall.

Tell My Prof
I Did My Best,
Then Pile My
Books upon My Chest.

Now I Lay Me
Down to Rest,
And Pray I'll Pass
Tomorrow's Test.

If I Should Die Before I Wake,
That's One less Test I'll Have to Take.

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything."

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"Anything."

His voice softens. "Anything??"

"Absolutely anything."

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"

To: Professor _______________
From: ____________________

I think my grade in your course, ___, should be changed from ___ to ___ for the following reasons:

__1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.

__2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.

__3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into:

__Medical School
__Graduate School
__Dental School
__Fraternity/Sorority
__The Mickey Mouse Club
__Tri County Tech

__4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in ______.

__5. I'll lose my scholarship.

__6. I'm on a varsity sports team, and my tutor couldn't find a copy of your exam for me.

__7. I didn't come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for on the exam.

__8. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact.

__9. I learned all the facts and definitions but your exams asked about general principles.

__10. You are prejudiced against:

__ Males
__ Blacks
__ Females
__ Jews
__ Catholics
__ Whites
__ Protestants
__ Minorities
__ Chicanos
__ Students
__ People

__11. If I flunk out of school my father will disinherit me or at least cut my allowance.

__12. I was unable to do well in this course because of the following illness:

__ mono
__ broken baby finger
__ acute alcoholism
__ pregnancy
__ VD
__ fatherhood

__13. You told us to be creative but you didn't tell us exactly how you wanted that done.

__14. I was creative and you said I was just shooting the bull.

__15. I don't have a reason; I just want a higher grade.

__16. The lectures were:

__ too detailed to pick out important points.
__ not explained in any sufficient detail.
__ your class was far too boring.
__ all jokes and not enough material.
__ all of the above.

__17. This course was:

__too early, I was not awake.
__at lunchtime, I was hungry.
__too late, I was tired.

__18. My (dog, cat, gerbil) (ate, wet on, threw up on) my (book, notes, paper) for this course.

__19. Other reason: __________________.

Man: "How's your history paper coming?"

Woman: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research, and it's been very helpful.

Man: "Really?"

Woman: "Yes! I've already located 17 people who sell them!"