school jokes

A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.

"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said.

"Actually," said his guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."

The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?"

"Yes, indeed," said his guide. "He wrote a check."

Teacher: What is the axis of the earth?

Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves.

Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line?

Student: Yes, Sir.

Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?

Student: Imaginary clothes, Sir.

Recently our speaker had to discontinue several of his long talks on account of his throat. Several people threatened to cut it.

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You have heard it said before that this speaker needs no introduction. Well, I have heard him and he needs all the introduction he can get.

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Our speaker needs no introduction. What he needs is a conclusion.

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Our speaker will not bore you with a long speech...he can do it with a short one.

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You've been a wonderful audience...you stayed.

O Lord, hear my anxious plea

Calculus is killing me

I know not of 'dx' or 'dy'

And probably won't until the day I die.

Please, Lord, help me in this hour

As I take my case to the highest power.

I care not for fame or loot

Just help me find one square root.

And Lord, please let me see

One passing mark in organic chemistry.

Oh such a thing I constantly dread

I'd just as soon join the Marines instead.

Lord, please give me a sign

That you've been listening all the time.

Please lead me out of this constant coma

And give me a shot at my diploma.