Religion

This priest was driving to his church when he saw two people bending over in the grass. He decided to see why. He walked over to them and asked what they were doing. The man said they were homeless and grass was the only thing they could eat. The priest said, 'You can eat over at the church.' The woman said, 'We have nine children -- will there be enough?' 'Oh yes, ' the priest replied, 'the grass is 2 1/2 inches taller over there.'

There is this extremely horny guy who loves to have sex with everyone except his wife. One day, he is going on a buisness trip, and before he leaves, his wife says, 'I'll leave you if you sleep with anyone on your trip.'

He is driving to his destination, and he sees a sign that says 'Church of Latter-Day Saints Whorehouse -- 10 miles.' He thinks to himself, 'I'll just ignore it or my wife will leave me.' There is a sign for it every mile, so he finally breaks down and goes where the sign says to go. He knocks on the door of the whorehouse and a nun comes to the door. The man says, 'Where can I get a whore?'
The nun says, 'I'll need $500 first.' The man says okay and pays, then asks about his whore again. The nun replies, 'We will need another $100.' The man pays then asks for his whore again. The nun says 'Okay, see that hallway. Wait for 15 minutes. Go straight, left, straight, right and you'll see a door.'

He follows the directions, walks out the door and finds himself in the parking lot. His car has a sign on it that says, 'Congrats. You have just been screwed by the Church of Latter-Day Saints.'

I asked a Jew who he was going to vote for as president.

He said, "Well, the last time Jews listened to a bush, they wandered in the desert for 40 years."

I asked a Jew who he was going to vote for as president.

He said, "Well, the last time Jews listened to a bush, they wandered in the desert for 40 years."