Religion

A very old, but respected man walked into a local tavern. He looked around at the decor and realized it was the holiday season. He saw his neighbor, drunk out of his mind. The old man stepped up to the neighbor and asked him a question, "Jack do you know what difference between the baby Jesus and your wife?"

"No," replied the dead drunk man.

"Well the baby Jesus slept with a jackass one night, your wife sleeps with one every night."

Why did God create brunettes?

So ugly men wouldn't be left out!

Three men heard rumors of a mountaintop where God came down to solve people's problems. So they all went to the mountain.

The first man was deaf and God asked him, 'Can I help you, son?' The man started signing in sign language that he would be so happy if only he could hear. So God touched the man and suddenly he could hear.

God then asked the second man, who was blind, 'What can I do for you, my son?'

The second man said, 'Oh God, if I could only see I would be so happy.' So God touched him and the man was able to see.

Meanwhile, the third man was sitting in his wheelchair with his mouth wide open in amazement. God looked at the man and asked him what he wanted.

The man stepped back and yelled, 'Don't lay one finger on me, God, I am on total disability!'

A Jewish mother bought her son two pairs of socks for his birthday and, wishing to please her, he went upstairs to put a pair on. When he returned, his mother immediately said, 'You don't like the other pair?'