Religion

A truck driver was driving down the highway when he sees a priest hitchhiking on the road. He stops to pick up the priest, but he has a few misgivings about giving him a ride; usually when the driver sees a redneck on the road, he hits them -- with a priest in the truck, he'd have to swerve. But the driver decides to pick up the priest.

A little while later, he comes across a redneck hitchhiking. He decides to just swerve and let this one live when, all of a sudden he hears a "BOOM!" The driver looks over at the priest, who says, "Don't worry -- I got him with the door."

The bell-ringer for the church had just passed away, so the priest was looking for someone new to ring the bell. Then one day this man comes out of nowhere and starts banging on the door. The priest opens the door and sees that the man has no arms. The priest asks him, "How can you ring the bell?" The man said, "Let me show you." They went up to the bell and the man started hitting the bell with his head. The bell starts to swaying and the man misses, then he goes flying through the window. Two more priests come running and ask, "What happened? Who was that?" The second man said, "I don't know but that face sure rings a bell."

A concerned girl asked the priest, "Father, is it a sin to have sex before receiving communion?

He replied, "Only if you block the aisle."

A young woman goes to church to confess her sins to the priest.

'Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.'

'Tell all of your sins, my daughter.'

'Oh, Father, last night my boyfriend made hot, passionate love to me seven times,' she says.

The priest thinks about this long and hard and says, 'Take seven lemons and squeeze the juice into a tall glass and drink it.'

'Will this cleanse my soul of my sins?'

'No,' the priest says, 'but it'll wipe that smile off your face!'