Religion

Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach when all of a sudden Moses shouts out, 'You know what? I'm going to try and part the ocean again.' And he throws his hands in the air and magically the ocean parts. Jesus sees this and says, 'I'm going to try and walk on water again!' So he walks up to the water and takes a step on top and sinks! Moses says, 'Try it again, Jesus. It's been a while.' So Jesus tries again and once more, he sinks.

Jesus comes up out of the water and says, 'I know what the problem is. When I walked on water before, I didn't have holes in my feet!'

Jesus and Moses are playing golf and they're on the tenth hole. Moses hits the ball and it heads straight for a pond. Just before the ball hits the water, the pond parts and the ball rolls up onto the green.

Jesus winds up and hits one about to the same spot. Jesus' ball hits the water and skips across. All of a sudden, lightning flashes and a ball drops from the sky. A fish swallows it, a bird picks up the fish and drops the ball onto a turtle, that walks over to the hole and drops it in.

Moses turns to Jesus and says, 'I hate it when your dad plays!'

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate.

"Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?"

God shrugged and said, "Jesus saves."

Jesus was standing on a hill talking to his people.
'He who hath not sinned, cast the first stone." Just then a stone came flying from the back of the crowd and hit him hard on the head.
'Ouch, Mom! I hate when you do that!"