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nuns on the run
 
 
Two nuns are riding a bike down a road and the first nun says, 'I've never come this way before!'

The second nun says, 'Oh, it must be the cobblestone!'

hmo in heaven
 
 
An eye doctor, a heart surgeon and an HMO executive die and are in heaven. God asks the eye doctor why he should be let into heaven, and the doctor explains to God that he helped people save or regain their sight. God says, 'Welcome to heaven, my son.'

God then asks the heart surgeon what he had done in life that should allow him into heaven. 'I saved people from death from heart attacks and heart disease,' the doctor replies. 'Welcome to heaven, my son,' God says.

God then turns to the HMO executive. God asked him what he was, and the man replied that he worked for an HMO. 'Welcome to heaven, my son,' says God, 'but you have to leave in two days.'

catching osama
 
 
Do you know how we can get Osama bin Laden?

Lace a bunch of Watchtower magazines with anthrax and send the Jehovah Witnesses in after him. Those people can find anybody!

christian drugs
 
 
Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did.

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: "Who is it?" "It's Mark" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Mark?" "Marijuana from Colombia" "Very well son, come in."

Another soft knock is heard. "Who is it?" "It's Matthew" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Matthew?" "Cocaine from Bolivia" "Very well son, come in."

At the next knock Jesus asks, "Who is it?" "It's John" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring John?" "Crack from New York" "Very well son, come in."

Someone starts pounding on the door. "Who is it?" "It's Judas" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Judas?" "FREEZE! THIS IS THE FBI!"


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