Religion

An eye doctor, a heart surgeon and an HMO executive die and are in heaven. God asks the eye doctor why he should be let into heaven, and the doctor explains to God that he helped people save or regain their sight. God says, 'Welcome to heaven, my son.'

God then asks the heart surgeon what he had done in life that should allow him into heaven. 'I saved people from death from heart attacks and heart disease,' the doctor replies. 'Welcome to heaven, my son,' God says.

God then turns to the HMO executive. God asked him what he was, and the man replied that he worked for an HMO. 'Welcome to heaven, my son,' says God, 'but you have to leave in two days.'

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to go to work.

Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, 'Are you really going to let him get away with this?'

'No, I guess not,' says God.

The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one.

Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, ' Why did you let him do that?'

To this God says, 'Who's he going to tell?'

Three men go to a church and ask to be forgiven for their sins. The priest asks the first man what he did. The man replies, "I robbed a bank. " The 2nd man tells the priest he killed a man. The priest says that is really bad and to go drink the holy water and he will be forgiven. The third man starts to laugh, so the priest asks him, "And what sin have you committed?" The third man replies, "I pissed in the holy water"

The other day I saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance followed by a thunderous prayer meeting,so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and how good He is... and I didn't notice that the light had changed.It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of GOD! GO, GO!! Jesus Christ, GO!!' What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a 'sunny beach'...I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage son what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My son burst out laughing...why even HE was enjoying this religious experience! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed, so I waved one more time to my loving brothers and sisters, grinning, and drove on through the intersection.I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them all after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one more time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks.