Religion

Jesus and Moses went golfing. Jesus was about to hit a shot and said, "Hey Moses, watch this! Just like Arnold Palmer!"

Moses said, "Jesus, you can do anything, don't try to be like Arnold Palmer."

Jesus said, "No, just like Arnold Palmer!"

Well, Jesus hit the ball in the water so Jesus asked Moses to retrieve the ball. Moses parted the water and got the ball. This continued for about 15 minutes. Finally, Jesus hit the ball in the water for the 7th time. "Please get my ball for me," Jesus asked Moses.

Moses said, "No, I told you to quit trying to be like Arnold Palmer, so I'm not getting it this time."

So Jesus walked across the water, reached down and got his ball. While he was doing this, a couple of kids rode by in a cart and said, "Who does he think he is? Jesus?"

Moses said, "NO! He thinks he's Arnold Palmer!"

A bank robber was running from the law. The police were on his tail and he had nowhere to go so he went into a church.

A priest started to talk to him and just as he was asking him why he stole the money the robber heard sirens. He shot the priest and moments later then the police shot the robber.

Somehow there was a mix up; the robber went to heaven and the priest went to hell.

Luckily, they found the mistake and when they were changing places, they both met in the middle.

The priest said to him, "I cant wait until I meet the Virgin Mary!"

The robber said, "She's not a virgin anymore."

A zebra went up to the zookeeper and said, "Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes." The zookeeper looks at the zebra with a puzzling look and says, "I don't know why don't you go ask God." The zebra then went to ask God who said "You are what you are, young zebra." So the zebra went back to the zookeper who asks the zebra what God had said. The zebra replied, "God said 'you are what you are." The zookeeper then said, "Well then you must be a white zebra with black stripes because if you were a black zebra with whites stripes, God would have said, "You is what you is."

A taxi pulls up to a church and picks up a nun. "Where you headed?" the taxi driver asks. "5th street and Main," the nun replies. Considering the long distance to where the nun wanted to go, the driver asks the nun, "So if your a nun what would it take for a man to have sex with you. The nun thinks about it and says, "He would have to have no kids be single and a Christian." The taxi driver then says, "Well your in luck because I'm all of those things. The nun looks around and gets into the front seat. After they have finished, the taxi driver says gloating, "Haha, I'm married and I have kids and I'm a Jew!" The nun replies, "Well that's okay because my name is Henry and I'm headed to a costume party.