Religion

Why don't people from the University of Southern California celebrate Christmas?

Because they can't find three wise men and a virgin.

Since Pope John Paul is getting up in age the Vatican has started an early campaign to 'recruit' a successor. They have interviewed many applicants and after many months of interviewing they have narrowed the search to TWO final candidates: Bishop McLaughlin from Dublin Ireland and Bishop Sicola from New York. They are both very good candidates. The Vatican selection committee finally settled on Bishop Sicola. Though after much debate they changed their minds and said that Bishop Sicola would NOT be a good choice because it wouldn't seem proper to address the new pontiff as 'pope-si-cola.'

The three remaining members of Pink Floyd get in a car wreck and all three die. They are standing in front of the Pearly Gates when St. Peter comes up and says, 'Oh, Hi guys! We've been expecting you. Your really going to love it here, this is a great place and did you know that we even have our own band? We have Elvis Presley singing, Hendrix is playing guitar, Sinatra is on piano and Roger Waters, your old bandmate, is writing lyrics for us!'

David Gilmour replies, 'Roger is here? When did he die?'

St. Peter leans over and whispers in his ear. 'It's really God, but he thinks he's Roger Waters!'

Why did God invent a man first?

She wanted to start with something simple.