Religion

You know about the 39 Heaven's Gate culters who killed themselves?

They found another one underneath the sink...behind the Comet.

Three clergymen were sitting in a boat, fishing.
"I'm thirsty," said the first. "I'm gonna go get myself a Coke." So he got out of the boat, walked across the water, and came back with his Coke.
"Ooh, that looks good," said the second and got out of the boat. He walked across the water, got his Coke, and came back.
"You're right," said the third. "I think I'll get one too." He steps out of the boat and sinks like a rock.
"Hey," said the first clergyman to the second, "should we tell him where the rocks are?"

Why wasn't Jesus born in Essex, England?

Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin!

Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach when all of a sudden Moses shouts out, 'You know what? I'm going to try and part the ocean again.' And he throws his hands in the air and magically the ocean parts. Jesus sees this and says, 'I'm going to try and walk on water again!' So he walks up to the water and takes a step on top and sinks! Moses says, 'Try it again, Jesus. It's been a while.' So Jesus tries again and once more, he sinks.

Jesus comes up out of the water and says, 'I know what the problem is. When I walked on water before, I didn't have holes in my feet!'