Religion

Bush has a short one. Gorbachev has a long one. Madonna does not have one. And a priest does not use his. What is it?

A last name.

You are so hideously ugly, that at Christmas, we hang you up and kiss the mistletoe.

The privacy partition in the confessional booth slides and an excited voice bursts through the screen: "Father, I gotta tell you what happened to me last night. I'm 90 years old, and I made love to two 18 year old women for eight hours last night!"
The stunned priest, replies incredulously, "you did WHAT!"
"I said, I'm 90 years old, and I made love to two eighteen year old women last night for eight hours."
The stern father replies, "boy, I've been waiting all my life for a guy like you. I'm gonna give you a penance like you'll never forget."
To which the voice replies, "Father, you can't give me a penance."
"Why not?" asks the man of the cloth.
"Because I'm Jewish," claims the voice.
The perplexed Father asks, "then why are you telling me?"
"I'm telling everyone!"

What's black, white, red all over, and doesn't fit through revolving doors?

A nun with a spear through her head.