Religion

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man!"

"Well, I'll be damned!" the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I shouldn't have been so unpleasant about it. Tell me, how long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father -- I was just reading here that the Pope does!"

Two hookers were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said, 'TWO PROSTITUTES -- $50.00.' A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that moment, another car passed with a sign saying, 'JESUS SAVES.' The hookers asked the cop why he let the other car go and he said, 'Well, that's a little different, it pertains to religion.' So the two ladies took their sign down and drove off.
The following day the same cop in the area noticed the two ladies driving aound with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read, 'TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER -- $50.00.'

Why did god create man?

Because a dildo can't mow the lawn!

Why did God create man before woman?

He needed a rough draft before he had a final copy.