Redneck

You know you're a redneck when the biggest city you've been to is Wal-Mart.

An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon.

"Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?"

"Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips."

"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked.

"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"

"Ten," she replied.

"What are their names?" he asked.

"David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David," she answered.

"They're all named David?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'David,' and they all come running in."

"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"

"I just say, 'David, come eat your dinner'," she answered.

"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"

Rednecks don't let friends drive home drunk, they get drunk and ride with them.