Redneck jokes

"What can I help you with?' he asked.

'Well first, what is that thing between my husband's legs called?'

'Ma'am,' he answered, 'that there is called a penis.'

'I see,' she said. 'Now what is the big thing on the end of the penis called?'

'Why that there is called the head of the penis.'

'I do declare!' exclaimed the young woman. 'One last question doctor, what are those two big round things about 12 to 14 inches behind the head of the penis?'

'I'm not sure about your husband, ma'am, but on me, they're called the cheeks of my ass!'

"Sure," said the farmer. "I've got some beans and cornbread on the stove, but I've only got one bed, so you'll have to sleep with me."

The salesman was very grateful. So they had dinner and went to bed early. The salesman was used to keeping late hours and couldn't get to sleep. His tossing and turning was keeping the farmer awake so the farmer finally suggested they play football. The salesman didn't understand.

"Here's how it works," said the farmer. "Everytime you fart, it's a touchdown." The salesman thought it sounded fun, and they started playing. The salesman took an immediate lead, with the farmer struggling to squeeze even one out. Finally he felt one coming on and he strained and grunted and strained and grunted...and let a big wet one rip all over his side of the bed.

"What'll we do now?" exclaimed the salesman.

"Halftime. Switch sides."