redneck jokes

You might be a redneck if...

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.

You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

You mow your lawn and find a car.

You can spit without opening your mouth.

Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.

You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

You might be a redneck if...

You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.

You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".

You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.

You've never paid for a haircut.

You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".

You might be a redneck if...

You've ever made change in the offering plate.

The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."

You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.

You own at least 20 baseball hats.

You think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.

You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

Your screen door has no screen.

Your biggest ambition in live is to "git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn..."

You might be a redneck if...

Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.

Your grandfather completely executes the "pull my finger" trick at the family reunion.

When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

You have a house that's mobile and five cars that aren't.

You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."

Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

You have a Hefty bag for a convertible top.

Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.

You have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.