redneck jokes

You might be a redneck if...

A policeman asks for your ID, and you answer, "About what?"

You wake up with chocolate in your ears after spending the night in a fine hotel.

Your neighbor spits grass when he talks.

In the delivery room, your husband says,"That's worse than skinning a deer!"

You have sworn on your mother's grave while she is standing beside you.

You refer to your cousin as "my girlfriend".

You wake up the day after your wedding to find your sister next to you.

You got your tater gun hangin' over your couch in your living room as a conversation piece.

You've ever entered yourself in a "Howdy Doody Look-alike" Contest.

Your lips move while reading a stop sign.

You might be a redneck if...

One of the options on your truck is a spitoon.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this."

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

You might be a redneck if...

You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

You might be a redneck if...

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.

You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

Your screen door has no screen.