plane's terrorist
A cargo plane is in mid-flight over the ocean when suddenly the cockpit door bursts open to reveal an armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, copilot, navigator, and a passenger. The passenger happens to be George W Bush. (Why?} Maybe, he was on his way to check on the coca plant life in South America!") The masked gunman held a gun to the pilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill your brains all over the place."
The pilot calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "Look buddy, if you shoot me this plane will crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."
The hijacker thought about it, then held the gun to the copilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place."
The copilot also calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "Listen to me. The pilot's got a bad heart and he could keel over at the shock of my being killed. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."
The hijacker thought about it for a moment and then held the gun to the navigator's head and repeated, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place."
The navigator calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. Those other two guys have no sense of direction. Without me they couldn't find their way out of a paper bag much less get this plane to Iraq. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."
The hijacker thought some more, shrugged and this time held the gun to the passenger's head and demanded, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place."
No one said a word, at first, then the pilot, co-pilot, and navigator all brust into laughter. "He's George W Bush!" they laughed. "He doesn't have any brains!"
The pilot calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "Look buddy, if you shoot me this plane will crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."
The hijacker thought about it, then held the gun to the copilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place."
The copilot also calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "Listen to me. The pilot's got a bad heart and he could keel over at the shock of my being killed. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."
The hijacker thought about it for a moment and then held the gun to the navigator's head and repeated, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place."
The navigator calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. Those other two guys have no sense of direction. Without me they couldn't find their way out of a paper bag much less get this plane to Iraq. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."
The hijacker thought some more, shrugged and this time held the gun to the passenger's head and demanded, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place."
No one said a word, at first, then the pilot, co-pilot, and navigator all brust into laughter. "He's George W Bush!" they laughed. "He doesn't have any brains!"
president carter's joke
In an interview with David Letterman, Carter passed along an anecdote of a translation problem in Japan. Carter was speaking at a business lunch in Tokyo, where he decided to open his speech with a brief joke.
He told the joke, then waited for the translator to announce the Japanese version. Even though the story was quite short, Carter was surprised by how quickly the interpreter was able to re-tell it. Even more impressive was the reaction from the crowd. Carter thought the story was cute, but not outright hilarious, yet the crowd broke right up. Carter was very flattered.
After the speech, Carter wanted to meet the translator to ask him how he told the joke. Perhaps there is better way to tell the joke?
When Carter asked how the joke had been told in Japanese, the translator responded, "I told them, 'President Carter has told a very funny joke. Please laugh now.'"
He told the joke, then waited for the translator to announce the Japanese version. Even though the story was quite short, Carter was surprised by how quickly the interpreter was able to re-tell it. Even more impressive was the reaction from the crowd. Carter thought the story was cute, but not outright hilarious, yet the crowd broke right up. Carter was very flattered.
After the speech, Carter wanted to meet the translator to ask him how he told the joke. Perhaps there is better way to tell the joke?
When Carter asked how the joke had been told in Japanese, the translator responded, "I told them, 'President Carter has told a very funny joke. Please laugh now.'"
president precedent
Difference Between a Bad *President* and a Bad *Precedent*
... BAD *PRECEDENT:
Tipper: "How does it feel to be the big man, Hon?"
Al: "Well Tip, it took 17 lawsuits and 18 months of election recounts, but I'd do it all again."
... BAD *PRESIDENT:
Mr. Bush, repeat after me. I do solemnly swear
- "I do solemonemoney swear..."
- that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States
- "... that I will fatally execute the official President of the United States..."
- and will to the best of my ability
- "... and will to the best of my abli-tilly ..."
- preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States
- "... preservect defenestrate the United ... the Constitual ... the ... um ... of America."
- So help me God.
- "So help me. So help my dog. Oh, God, is it over?"
... BAD *PRECEDENT:
Tipper: "How does it feel to be the big man, Hon?"
Al: "Well Tip, it took 17 lawsuits and 18 months of election recounts, but I'd do it all again."
... BAD *PRESIDENT:
Mr. Bush, repeat after me. I do solemnly swear
- "I do solemonemoney swear..."
- that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States
- "... that I will fatally execute the official President of the United States..."
- and will to the best of my ability
- "... and will to the best of my abli-tilly ..."
- preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States
- "... preservect defenestrate the United ... the Constitual ... the ... um ... of America."
- So help me God.
- "So help me. So help my dog. Oh, God, is it over?"
presidential watches
A man goes to a jewelry store looking to buy a watch. He looks at a watch called "the George Bush Watch" and asks the sales clerk why there are no hands. The sales clerk says--"you are suppose to read his lips".
He then looks at a watch called the "Ross Perot Watch" and notices that it isn't running - the sales clerk tells him "it runs, it doesn't run, it runs, it doesn't run . . ."
He then notices a watch called the "Bill Clinton Watch" and sees that it runs, has hands and looks like a pretty good watch. He asks the sales clerk how much. The sales clerk replies "$19.95 plus tax, plus tax, plus tax, plus tax, plus tax . . ."
He then looks at a watch called the "Ross Perot Watch" and notices that it isn't running - the sales clerk tells him "it runs, it doesn't run, it runs, it doesn't run . . ."
He then notices a watch called the "Bill Clinton Watch" and sees that it runs, has hands and looks like a pretty good watch. He asks the sales clerk how much. The sales clerk replies "$19.95 plus tax, plus tax, plus tax, plus tax, plus tax . . ."
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