News And Politics

Hercules says, "I think I'm the strongest man in the world but it hasn't been proven yet."

Snow White says "I think I'm the fairest lady in the land but it hasn't been proven yet."

Quasie says "I think I'm the ugliest, meanest son of a gun in the world but it hasn't been proven yet."

The next day Hercules and Snow White are sitting at the table.

Hercules says, "It's true I'm the strongest man in the world for God told me so."

Snow White says, "It's true I'm the fairest lady in the land for God told me so."

Just then, Quasi started walking up the road really steamed.

He says, "Guys can you do me a favor? Tell me who the heck is Janet Reno?"

The doubles said they wanted the good news first, so the advisor said that Saddam had survived the blast. The doubles were greatly relieved.

"Then what's the bad news?" they asked.

"Saddam lost one of his arms," the advisor replied.

President Bush answers, "We're getting ready to kill 40 million Iraqi's and one blonde."

The guy asks in astonishment, "Why are you killing one blonde?"

President Bush turns to Colin Powell and says, "See, I told you people wouldn't care about the Iraqi's."

"Hello," the voice said. "This is Paddy at the Harp Pub in Ireland, I am ringing you to say me and a couple of me mates are declaring war on you!"

"Well Paddy," replied Saddam, "how big is your army"

"Well lets see there's me, my brother sean, my next door neighbour seamus and the local dart team."

"Ahh" said Saddam. "I must tell you that you are against 1 million men, 16000 tanks and 14000 armoured personnel carriers."

Paddy then hung up....The next day, sure enough, Paddy rung again, "The war is still on Mr. Hussein." Paddy said. "We now have some infantry and equipment."

"What would that be" Saddam asked.

"Well we have 2 combines, a bulldozer, and Father Murpheys Grey Fergy tractor," Paddy replied.

Saddam sighed "Paddy may I tell you that my army has increased to 2 million men since we last spoke."

"I'll get back to ya," Paddy said. Sure enough Paddy rang again, "Right Mr. Hussein, we've modified our two seater Harrigans ultra light plane with a gattling gun, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us."

Saddam cleared his throat lay back on his chair and said, "Paddy... I have 10000 bombers, 20000 fighter planes, and I am surrounded by surface to air lazer guided missles, and my army has incresed to 2 and a half million men since yesterday."

"Oh" said Paddy, "I'll have to ring ya back"

Paddy called again the next day and said "I'm sorry, but the wars been called off."

"I'm sorry to hear that, why the sudden change of heart?" asked Saddam.

"Well after a discussion over a couple of pints we decided there's no way we could feed two and a half million prisoners"