News And Politics

As the boat was sinking, George Washington heroically shouts, 'Save the women!'

George Bush hysterically screeches, 'Screw the women!'

And Bill Clinton's eyes light up and he says, 'Do we have time?'

Because the last time he decided where to put a Cuban he was almost impeached.

When she asked St. Peter about the clocks, he replied, 'We have a clock for each person on earth and every time they tell a lie the hands move. The clock ticks off one second each time a lie is told.' Special attention was given to two clocks. The clock belonging to Mother Teresa has never moved, indicating that she never told a lie. The clock for Abraham Lincoln has only moved twice. He only told two lies in his life. Hillary asked 'Where is Bill's clock?'

St. Peter replied, 'Jesus has it in his office... he's using it as a ceiling fan.'

It has been reported that Osama bin Laden was captured this morning at 4:22 AM Pacific Standard Time by U.S. Special Forces.

The main suspect of the attack on the World Trade Center in New York City, bin Laden was captured at gunpoint as he fled an underground tunnel in a deserted mountainside of southern Afghanistan.

Northern Alliance troops, who witnessed the events unfold, explained that moments earlier United States war planes had sprayed liquid Viagra across southern Afghanistan, and the little prick just popped up!