einsteinium
Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he was invited to give a speech. One day, on his way to one of those dinners, he told his chauffeur (who looked exactly like him) that he was dead tired of giving the same speech, dinner after dinner.
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"Well," said the chaffeur, "I've got a good idea. Why don't I give the speech since I've heard it so many times?' So Albert's chauffeur gave the speech perfectly and even answered a few questions. Then, a professor stood up and asked him a really tough question about anti-matter which the chauffeur couldn't answer
"Sir, the answer to your question is so easy that I'll let my chauffeur answer it!"
hail to the moron
It's finally come out why George W. is pushing childhood literacy.
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He wants America's children to be better off than he is.
bush has a short one
Bush has a short one. Gorbachev has a long one. Madonna does not have one. And a priest does not use his. What is it?
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A last name.
heaven's shining waters
George W. Bush, Clinton, and Gore were all in heaven, and the angel said, "You must cross this river and we will judge how much you have sinned based on how far you sink."
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Dubya goes first and gets up to his neck, but makes it across. He looks back and sees Al Gore walking on the water. He appeals to the angel saying, "He's sinned as much as I have, what gives?"
The angel says, "He's standing on Clinton's shoulders!"
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