News And Politics jokes

Both offer very little support!

The guy thinks it's a great idea and graciously accepts the offer. St. Peter shows him all the sights: the golf course, reading room, library, observation room, cafeteria and, finally, a HUGE room full of clocks.

"What's up with those clocks, Peter?"

"Everyone on earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left on earth. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the Gates to be judged."

The guy thinks this makes sense, but notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. He asks why that is.

"Every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds up his clock." This also makes sense, so the guy takes one last look around the room before leaving and notices one clock in the center of the ceiling. On this clock, both hands are spinning at an unbelievable rate.

"What's the story with that clock?"

"Oh, that," St. Peter replies. "That's Bill Clinton's clock. We decided to use it as a fan."

(Internal Revenue Service, an agency of the government to whom Americans pay taxes on their salary.)

--Always put staples in the right hand corner. Go ahead and put a down the whole right side. The extractors who remove the mail from the envelopes have to take out any staples in the right side.

--Never arrange paperwork in the right order, or even facing the right way.  Put a few upside down and backwards. That way they have to remove all your staples rearrange your paperwork and re-staple it (on the left side).

--Line the bottom of your envelope with Elmer's glue and let it dry before you put in your forms, so that the automated opener doesn't open it and the extractor has to open it by hand.

--If your very unfortunate and have to pay taxes use a two or three party check.

--On top of paying with a three party check pay one of the dollars you owe in cash. When an extractor receives cash, no matter how small an amount, he has to take it to a special desk and fill out of few nasty forms.

--Write a little letter of appreciation. Any letter received has to read and stamped regardless of what it is or what it's on.

--Write your letter on something misshapen and unconventional. Like on the back of a Kroger sack.

--When you mail it, mail it in a big envelope (even if its just a single EZi form). Big envelopes have to be torn and sorted differently than regular business size ones. An added bonus to the big envelope is that they take priority over other mail, so the workers can hurry up and deal with your mess.

--If you send 2 checks they'll have to staple your unsightly envelope to your half destroyed form.

--Always put extra paper clips on your forms. Any foreign fasteners or the like have to be removed and put away.

--Sign your name in ink on every page. Any signature has to verified and then date stamped.

NOTE: These are just a few of the fun and exciting things you can do with The Man. These methods are only recommended when you owe money