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martin scorscese is interviewing three ...
 
 
Martin Scorscese is interviewing three action heros for his new movie, they are Arnold Schwarzenneger, Bruce Willis and Sly Stallone. Pitching his movie he says, "This is gonna be an action flick with a twist...all three leads will be famous musical composers."

After some thought all three stars agree it's a new concept for an action flick and decide to get involved. In turn, Scorscese asks each star who they would like to play.

Bruce Willis pipes up first with "I've always wanted to play Mozart..." "Great, great!", enthuses Scorscese, "What about you, Sly?" Stallone thinks awhile and then says,"I've always liked Burt Baccarach's music, I'll be him." "Wonderful, wonderful, Sly", says Scorscese and, turning to Schwarzenneger he says "And how about you, Arnie?" Arnold thinks for a while and after some eye rolling and tutting turns to Scorscese and says.... "I'll be Bach."

liberal jokes
 
 
Question - What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?

Answer - A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

Question - What is the only thing worse than an incompetent liberal President?

Answer - A competent liberal President.

Question - Why do the male members of the Kennedy family cry while having sex?

Answer - Mace.

Question - Who was the first liberal Democrat?

Answer - Christopher Columbus. He left not knowing where he was going, got there not knowing where he was, left not knowing where he'd been and did it all on borrowed money.

Liberals are like seagulls: all they do is squawk, eat crap, and they are protected by the government.

gary condit's conductivity
 
 
Gary Condit is found dead with a smile on his face. Police investigators find his scorched body and determine he had been struck by lightning.

"Why's he smiling?" one officer asks.

The other replies, "He thought he was having his picture taken."

monica's new boyfriend
 
 
Monica Lewinsky and her new boyfriend are making love. After they finish having sex, the new boyfriend asks, "Was I as good as Bill?"

"Close, but no cigar.'

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