a young naval student
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.
"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"
"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.
"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"
"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."
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"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"
"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.
"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"
"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."
new submarine ensign
The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed of working since a young boy.
He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Submarine School.
The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, 'sir', it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."
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He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Submarine School.
The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, 'sir', it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."
apologizing to china
Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands.
Dear China,
We're sorry you don't train your fighter pilots better. As a token of our apology, here's a copy of Microsoft Flight Simulator 2000.
We're also sorry your front-line fighter planes can't outmaneuver a 35-year old prop-driven airliner. Perhaps you'd like to purchase some surplus 1950's-era Lockheed Starfighters from Taiwan...since they just replaced all theirs with new F-16's.
We're also sorry you believe your territorial waters extend all the way to Australia. For future reference, here's an American 6th grade geography textbook. (Please note the Copyright information printed inside the cover.)
In addition, we're sorry you can't seem to see your part of this incident. We know it seems easier to blame others than to take responsibility. Consider this while we build several new Aegis destroyers for our friends in Taiwan.
Finally, we're sorry we granted you Most-Favored-Nation trading status. This will be rectified at the soonest possible opportunity. Along those lines, we're especially sorry we treated you with such respect for the last 20 years. We'll definitely rethink this policy, and will probably go back to treating you like a street gang very soon.
Sincerely,
The People of the United States of America
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Dear China,
We're sorry you don't train your fighter pilots better. As a token of our apology, here's a copy of Microsoft Flight Simulator 2000.
We're also sorry your front-line fighter planes can't outmaneuver a 35-year old prop-driven airliner. Perhaps you'd like to purchase some surplus 1950's-era Lockheed Starfighters from Taiwan...since they just replaced all theirs with new F-16's.
We're also sorry you believe your territorial waters extend all the way to Australia. For future reference, here's an American 6th grade geography textbook. (Please note the Copyright information printed inside the cover.)
In addition, we're sorry you can't seem to see your part of this incident. We know it seems easier to blame others than to take responsibility. Consider this while we build several new Aegis destroyers for our friends in Taiwan.
Finally, we're sorry we granted you Most-Favored-Nation trading status. This will be rectified at the soonest possible opportunity. Along those lines, we're especially sorry we treated you with such respect for the last 20 years. We'll definitely rethink this policy, and will probably go back to treating you like a street gang very soon.
Sincerely,
The People of the United States of America
military traditions
Top Holiday Traditions In The Military
9. Gluing Santa beard to your gas mask
8. Roasting chestnuts with an M4-A3 flamethrower
7. Draw up list of who's naughty, who's nice and who can't run their 2 miles without wheezing like an infant
6. Christmas morning, getting to sleep in till 0530
5. You open a gift and surprise! It's a khaki-colored t-shirt
4. Extra R&R for any personnel named Donner or Blitzen
3. There's always plenty of parking at the mall when you're driving a tank
2. Watching "Frosty" and crying my eyes out
1. Freeze-dried, shelf-stable, vacuum-sealed eggnog
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9. Gluing Santa beard to your gas mask
8. Roasting chestnuts with an M4-A3 flamethrower
7. Draw up list of who's naughty, who's nice and who can't run their 2 miles without wheezing like an infant
6. Christmas morning, getting to sleep in till 0530
5. You open a gift and surprise! It's a khaki-colored t-shirt
4. Extra R&R for any personnel named Donner or Blitzen
3. There's always plenty of parking at the mall when you're driving a tank
2. Watching "Frosty" and crying my eyes out
1. Freeze-dried, shelf-stable, vacuum-sealed eggnog
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