Men And Women

Two college roommates are about to go to bed. The guy in the top bunk has his girlfriend sleeping over and to try to keep quiet, they devise a code. His girlfrend will say tomato if she wants him to go slower and lettuce for him to go faster. As they begin to have sex, the girl starts to moan, "lettuce,lettuce, tomato, tomato!" The roommate on the bottom bunk wakes up the next morning and says, "Stop making sandwiches at night, you got mayonaise in my eye!"

How are men and tile alike?

If you lay them right the first time, you'll be able to walk all over them for the rest of their life!

A guy enters a bar and he finds a friend of his. So he sits down with his friend and tells him, 'Friend, I got a dilemma.' The friend asks him, 'What's the problem?' He says, 'Well, I went on my honeymoon and I was excited because I would make love to her for the first time.' And the friend asks, 'So what is the problem?' 'Let me finish,' says the friend. 'When the time came, my wife took out her orthopaedic leg, and put it in the closet. Then she took out her arm, and put it in the closet. Then she took out her eye, and finally took off her hair and put them both in the closet.' 'Wow,' says his friend, 'and what seems to be the dilemma?' 'Well,' says the guy, 'I don't know if I should make love to her on the bed or the closet.'

A recently-married man goes into a drugstore to pick up some things. The clerk greets him....

Clerk: Hey, how did the wedding go?
Man: Well, we got married.
Clerk: That's good!
Man: No, that's bad. I wasn't wearing any clothes.
Clerk: Oh that is bad!
Man: No, that's good -- she didn't care and she's rich.
Clerk: Oh, that is good.
Man: No, that's bad. She won't give me any or spend any of it.
Clerk: Oh, that's bad.
Man: No, that's good: She bought a house.
Clerk: Oh, that's good
Man: No, that's bad -- it burned down.
Clerk: Oh that is bad.
Man: No that's good -- she was in it!